Truth

Sunrise...

in your eyes

pools of liquid amber

like dawn's golden water

shimmering with

the un-shed,

sparkling with

the unsaid

promise of our youth,

my life's

sacred truth.

Anew

Emotions overflowing
some sewn some torn
A rush of memories
fresh as a newborn
Cocoon of your thoughts
your silken magic charm
Wrapped in your words
a blanket so warm
Heartbeats galloping
under clear starry skies
Only love and care
in those golden eyes
Restive, peaceful
silence stretches on
Your hands reach out
the pain all gone
Hearts unburdened
souls set free
Finally together...
you and me

Durga Puja

The first thing that comes to mind is Bose Aunty's white cotton sari with a bright red border. Then the drums playing incessantly and the sweet intoxicating smell of incense wafting through the whole street.

For me, the Navratri are the sweetest memories of childhood, of a place where everyone was family. There was no other festival which emphasized this togetherness more.

As a rainy August gave way to a sometimes-warm-sometimes-cool September, the wait began. With rising enthusiasm I'd notice the men assemble stalls in the Auditorium grounds. Slowly the Pujo Pandal would take shape,beautifully coloured in bright red, yellow, orange. The gates and passages were adorned with shimmery tassles in gold and magenta and green. Overnight then, the statue of the deity would be installed and the next morning I'd wake up to the sound of the ladies shouting "lolololololo" or something like that! Her large kohl-rimmed eyes and the indulgent smile managed to floor me each year! And of course there were her companions too - the tiger, and poor Mahishasur !

For each night during the Pooja, my mother made me wear a new outfit and I was more than happy to show it off. But much more exciting was going to the Pandal with friends (read Aradhika Didi, Munmun Didi, Nikku Didi, Appu). The whole township could be found there each night. We'd go from one stall to the next, eating our way through the mouth-watering treats on offer - gol gappas, chhole bhature, aloo tikki, dosa sambhar, dahi bade etc. etc. You name it, they had it! What added to the fun was the fact that the sellers of these goodies were our neighbourhood aunties or our respected school teachers! It was also a place to catch the latest township gossip, which we promptly did.

The festivities spread over eight wonderful days and nights culminated with the king of Lanka being burnt to bits at our beloved Ramleela Ground with everyone gathered there clapping with glee!

As I go back in time and think of years and years of Navratri and Dussehra spent this way, I can almost smell those autumn nights. Our small world is definitely no match for the big, bold, dynamic Pujo Pandals of CR Park, or Kali Bari, or Paschim Vihar. But the feeling of love, of warmth, of camaraderie, of oneness can never be replicated here. We were a family there and we remain so even now when most of us are in different cities, some even in other countries,united by the memory of our Durga Pooja.

Happy Durga Puja to the Renusagar Parivar, and to all my other friends

A Thousand Kisses

As a child I had my own, personal magician...someone for whom my every wish was a command to be promptly carried out. Someone who called me Princess Diana and waited on me as if I were truly royal. Its a mystery to me even today how she could bake a cake for me in a matter of minutes, or make chhole-bhature, idli-sambhar-dosa on a half hour's notice!! She would take me to school with her, where she was a teacher and later the principal, and i loved it when everyone from student to teacher came to see "Malviya Ma'm's daughter"! She never gave me less than a thousand kisses at a time, and promised that my wedding video would only have the soundtrack of a thousand kisses being showered on me - a promise she almost carried out! And each night she would clasp me tightly to her soft belly and sing me to sleep. The song was always the same.."mere ghar aayi ek nanhi pari..chandni ke haseen rath pe savaar..mere ghar aayi ek nanhi pari".

She spoilt me silly, and took great pride in it!

I followed her blindly, and took great pride in it!

She was my Badi Ma. The centre of my universe for all the years while I was growing up. There was no one more important to me, no one I loved more, not even my own Mom who was her younger sister. Badi Ma was all I could think of as vacations started. She was the one i waited for with bated breath every alternate sunday. She was the one I called when my parents scolded me for any reason. And no birthday of mine was happy unless she stood with me while i blew out the candles.

Now, she's gone.

I keep thinking the phone will ring and when i answer, she'll say in her usual happy voice," Teri bahut yaad aa rahi thi yaar! A thousand kissies!" But she doesn't call. I want to be five again, and i want to cuddle up while she sings me her song. But she doesn't sing.

I know she's watching from up there. I know she's in a better place now. And all I want to say is,"I miss you so much. A thousand kissies".

Faith

The Sun is still twisting and turning in bed trying to catch another half hour of blissful sleep...but she's already awake. Another long day awaits her and she likes to get a headstart. So, while its still dark, she's already bathed, dressed and on her way to her daily date with Him. As she gets closer, she shyly covers her head with the frayed end of her sari and repeats in her mind all that she needs to say to Him today. Just before entering the foyer of His house, she plucks a few of the white flowers from the bush alongside. She hasn't brought anything else today, and for a second she worries about that. Then she remembers His beautiful face and the calming smile He always has for her, and instantly her spirit soars. He will love these flowers. He'll love her even if she comes empty-handed, she knows.

Involuntarily her thoughts turn to Anil, her husband. He came in at half past one last night, earlier than usual. But he was as drunk as always. When she served dinner, he threw the plate away. The gravy is all water, the bread stale, he said. Then in a fit of rage he beat her black and blue, before falling down in a drunken stupor. Pooja, Kaajal and Ankur, her three children sat crying in a corner, awakened by the ruckus, but too scared to intervene. This wasn't new to them, but she knew it always managed to shock them as if it were the first time. She slowly picked herself up and ignored the searing pain in her back where Anil had repeatedly kicked her. After cleaning the mess she went to lie down with the kids. They needed to sleep, so that they could concentrate in class the next morning. She needed to sleep too, so that she could go to the hospital where she worked as a ward attendant. She knew that the injuries would make it difficult for her to pull the patient stretchers and wheel-chairs from one floor to the next. But it was impossible for her to miss even a day's work. She was paid on a daily basis and there was no dearth of people waiting to get her job if she didn't turn up. It was this job that was putting food on the table, sending her children to school, and giving them a roof over their heads. No, she couldn't miss work, she thought. Then she gathered her children close and remembered her early morning date. As her mind focused on His face, she smiled to herself. His love was the only thing to look forward to in her life, the only solace in any circumstances. Thinking of Him she slowly drifted off to sleep.

The sudden tinkle of bells somewhere in His house brings her back to the present. She shrugs all thoughts of the night before and goes inside. She washes the flowers under the tap in the courtyard. Already her heart is beating faster. She can feel His presence all around. She adjusts the sari over her head again and slowly walks up to where He sits. He looks straight at her and she can almost feel Him gazing right into her soul. He's smiling that smile. As she puts the flowers down at His feet and folds her hands in front of her, she knows there isn't any need for words between them. Just by looking at her He already knows all that she wants to tell Him. She knows He watches over her every minute of every day. She knows He will deal with all the problems of her life in his own sweet time, slowly but surely. She can feel the strength permeate her body, the strength to face another day with Him by her side. He wants nothing in return, she knows.

The least she can do for Him, her Shiv-Shankar, her Bholenath, is to visit him everyday...and He will take care of the rest. His love for her is unconditional, eternal.

UNCHANGED

You stand there with a smile

waiting for me to walk up to you

and as i make my way

all the years come rushing too...

A lifetime lived

with memories of you

i felt each moment past

as good as new....

your smell that was

like clear blue skies

the days we shared

the dreams in my eyes

the touch of your hand

like fire on ice...

Your laughter

like a fresh water spring

your breath so close

it made my heart sing!

And then you were gone

with the whole of my heart

with the light from my life

and its most sacred part.

My tears uncried

and feelings untold

the dry rains

the freezing cold

the lonely nights

with no one to hold...

my dreams undone

and joys so few

a lifetime lived

with memories of you.

And as i walk up to you

after fourteen long years

"nothing's changed", I tell myself

as i dry my tears..

UNAWARE

When did we get here..

..You and me?

When was it that

you put up those walls?

Was it while I slept

soundly in your arms,

blissfully unaware of the danger ahead?

Or was it while i sat transfixed

by the beauty of your smile,

mesmerised by your golden eyes?

How did I get here..

..in this place of nothingness

where my heart is a hollow sometimes,

and sometimes its an unmoving stone?

And when did your fingers

slip away from my

trusting hand?